I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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