I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize