dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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