you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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