Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
