Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Your dad touched me again.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
