i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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