I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's shark week go big or go home
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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