It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i think i just lost a toe
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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