Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
