He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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