If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
