i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
