Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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