Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
