just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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