her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think my moral compass just broke
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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