No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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