remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
