Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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