we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
