I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so let's talk penis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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