Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
