You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
