Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
