Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
