My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
