so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
