My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
