dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Found the puke drawer
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
