Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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