Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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