I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
