my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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