Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
