we're chasing vodka with high fives
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
