since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
