I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
When did angry sex become our thing?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
