The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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