I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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