I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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