____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
