You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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