Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
