That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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