first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
