This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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