I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
