At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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