it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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