My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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