Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
