By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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