Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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