Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
