eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
