brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
