Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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