You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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