after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
