I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
