Apparently you make a good broom.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
