so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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