On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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