just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
