Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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