Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
