I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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