Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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