if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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