For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
