Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
